it has been a while

I have been busish. I have had work but not enough to say i have not had time to write. I just have not been motivated. I have notice over the past few weeks, maybe because i have not been writing maybe because exams are coming up but I have a growing anxiety.

I assume it is the tests. It is funny how I know this task is coming up and still have the little kid reaction that if i try to ignore it it will go away. It would be the easy way out, but whenever has taking the easy way out gotten you anywhere.

When I was reading about law school a lot of people talk about the breaking you down process. It is weird how I think, no it is not happening to me. I am going to stay the way I am. However, I believe it is working. The first quarter seems to just be a slow breaking down of your own way of thinking. The only ways of thinking are the ones that solve the problems. There is no real thinking outside of the box. Just very methodical thinking inside the box. There is no surprise info giving and the answers are never complex, just in the details.

I know this one babbles on but that is the mood I am in today. It seems to be another bad day after yesterday and just trying to get through the week one task at a time.

staying the course

Two saying have been running through my head... "anything which is obtained easy is not worth it." and "if hard work pays off, easy work is worthless."

I am always curious when two similar thoughts stay with me. I find the hardest thing for me to do sometimes is to stay the course. I will admit one of my downfalls is to fold my cards so to say when I see things going poorly. It is something I fight with. I hate that I will give up and I know it started in high school, it was a slippery slope from there.

I have yet to have this tested in law school, but I never the less doubt it will sooner or later.

However, I have had it tested many times in the gym. I will admit last spring I folded my cards way earlier then I should have. I did not work as hard as I should have. I also folded them in the fall. I have come out of that. Yes I have regret from it which is probably worse then feeling in my mind.

My goal is to start staying the course. I like winning and succeed but that is only possible through sticking through the hard times. I have stopped trying at times when it gets hard and that all needs to stop.

I have notice the my training and life have kept taking changes. My training has developed me to places I did not think I would ever go. I am happy for that, but it now time for me to take an active role and take that next step. I still believe I have a lot to go, but I have to be willing to take the pain and embrace the suck. I have to learn to accept that in order to get where you want to go you have to go through some tough hard spots. It is getting through those tough spots that filters out the weak and timid.

Time to take that step.

20lb. of Humble Soup

This morning I got served!

You might be asking what did I get served. Well the only thing on the menu was 20 lb. of humble soup. It did not taste great.

However I learned about myself. I am normally the one who gets to finish the workouts first. I enjoy winning I will not be shy about that. Anyone who says they do not enjoy winning is lying, winning is fun and everyone enjoys fun. Today I was the last one to finish. Most of the class had left by the time I finished the workout some 43 minutes after it started.

I know that I pushed and pushed for those 43 minutes. This is not a push that you get in a Fran or Helen or anything shorter. It is a different test of your mettle. This is not I cannot do one more pull up, it is can I just keep going. You have the time to ask yourself the question, "should I just quit and get it over with?" When you ask yourself that question is when you get to decide what you want to do.

The options are simple quit. There is no shame in quitting, but quitting is not winning. Quitting is a habit, once you start quitting when are you going to stop. It is the same as running from your problem. That is why I decided that no matter how long it took I was going to finish.

When I finished, it did not seem that bad. Is that not the weirdest feeling. Whenever I finish something difficult and which took effort my first thought is to discount it. However, in retrospect that attitude of not quitting in workout is something that I carry into my life.

I never want to quit. There is something very honorable in finishing what you started. Why do you think our society looks up to it so much. Because the majority of people like to take the easy way out when shit gets tough. How many people are sitting around waiting for the "miracles" of science to solve their problems? These peoples problems would be solved by getting off their own ass and not quitting until they are where they want to be.

My goal is to never quit. I feel if that if this is my goal I can always be victorious. The only time you are really defeated is when you quit.

Inspirational Quote: "The difference between success and failure is getting up one more time."

crossfit and law school

My post have become a weekly due to the whole school thing getting in my way. It is amazing how quickly your mind changes though. Two weeks ago I had no idea what I was reading, no idea how to look at it. I would just go through the motions of reading it with not being able to connect it in anyway to anything.

Now I am able to read something and have a decent idea of what it is saying. I have found myself slowly adding other ideas from other classes into it. My understanding of the whole picture is developing. I am surprised with how quickly I have been able to draw conclusions. I figured the first quarter I would have no idea. While who knows maybe in another two weeks I will say I had no idea what I was talking about then.

This all reminds me about when I start crossfit. In honest it probably will be very similar to my journey through crossfit. When you first start you are just doing what the trainer tells you. If he says you are not popping your hips, you pop your hips. If he says to drive your heels into the ground, while you drive your heels into the ground. However, you quickly learn the individual movements. Over a little time you are able to put it all together.

This transformation does not happen over night, but over a period of time. All of the sudden you are understanding that the drive out of the hips necessary to finish off a clean are the same drive necessary for a good kettlebell swing. That core stabilization is necessary for every movement. These evolution in your thinking about the movements takes time and practice. Some can easily come in and tell you, but you will still not understand until you put your hands on the tools of the trade.

Law school to me is no different. Everything builds on something else. Just as kettlebell swings help you understand to feelings of finishing a pull on a clean, pennoyer v. neff helps you understand International shoe. These things all build on each other.

This is true about all things in life. You live life in a straight line so to speak. You are not way over to the left one moment and right the next. Everything you do in life builds up on the future. That is why it is important to have the best base you can. Your future is a direct reflection on your ability to better yourself today.

What motivates you?

I saw something today which made me think who motivated him? The clear answer was his own ego. You could read it in his writing that he thought he was a big awesome beast. Well I say if that is what motivates him good for him.

This made me think what motivates me?

I am never really sure. At times I can tell it is to look good. This is not in the fashion sense, but in the sense of looking like a good person. However, there are times when I am motivated by my own pride. Pride is a great motivator. It forces you to do more, push yourself farther and harder then you thought possible. However, it has to be kept in check.

If your pride over runs your motivation, it becomes all about yourself. You start writing like the guy I know who motivated this post. Also when your pride takes over, it becomes all about you. It is never all about you. That should never be forgotten.

People should take pride in themselves. Everyone is a very talented person in their own way. However, do not forget it takes a lot of different talents to make a village. Also, that you did not do anything worth doing on your own. It took people with other talents to help form you. This is something I always want to remember. I have had some pretty talented people help form me into the person I am . I hope I can have that pride of talented people taking stock in me motivate me in the future.

busy

It has been a busy first week. I have been putting in about 10 hours each day. I will not say that i hate it though. I am enjoying the concepts and subjects I am learning. The professors are pretty good. I have only had to talk in class a few times, but look forward to chances to talk more.

I am curious to see how these long weeks, which I expect to increase, will wear on me. I believe I will be able to stay going to the gym in the morning monday, wednesday, friday. This is very exciting to me. I want to stay in the gym. I am seeing gains from just being in a box again.

I am going to start intermittent fasting (IF). This to me means just taking a day or so a week where you do not eat. I am going to start this week. Tuesday will be the day I fast. This is because I am not in the gym on Tuesdays. I am going to keep notes on how it goes.

Orientation

The 2nd day of orientation was today. It was more of the same, law school is going to be tough, you will have to work harder then you ever had etc. There was some useful information, but a lot of repeated info. However, there was one topic which I took away. I am going to have to go to that place in order to succeed.

That place is somewhere I have learned to go thanks to crossfit. That place is the place where you push yourself to the limit, then go a little further. That place is beyond where you think you can go, where you will normally not let yourself go. That place is also the place what is going to help me succeed.

The reason for this is cause law school is a lot of work. There are going to be long hours. However, thanks to crossfit I know I can put in those long hours and work hard. I know that I can go beyond my limits.

I know that I am going to develop and change mentally a lot this year. I am just happy that I have had the mental training that crossfit provides for over two years prior to entering law school. Also, I am going to have to keep up crossfitting to keep up the mental training. I know all my hard work will pay off. Now is just the time to put in the hard work.